Friday, May 22, 2015

RIP Dan // Memories and Pictures

Hey guys!

So, this post is going to be a lot different from any post I've ever written, and a lot harder too - I still can't get my head around it, and my thoughts are all over the place, but I just wanted somewhere to write this all down and say what I wanted to say. If you don't want to read it, please click off now, as it'll probably be kinda emotional and everything, but I just wanted to say some things.

Last weekend, one of my best friends told me that my ex boyfriend, Dan, had died from kidney failure - he was only 25 years old. I knew he has kidney failure, as we were still together when he first got diagnosed, and I used to go and visit him in hospital a lot, but the last I heard about 6 months back, he was doing okay and everything was under control. Needless to say, even though I had been there when the doctors predicted he wouldn't live much past 25 unless he got a transplant, I never for a second actually thought that he would actually die that young. No one deserves to die so young.

We may have got together pretty quickly, but I never felt like we were going too fast. We met at a festival in Kent, and we spent pretty much the whole day together watching bands, eating sweet and sour chicken, chatting to bands and each other, and generally just getting to know each other a bit better. I hadn't originally planned to stay at the festival, as I only had a day ticket, but me and the friends I went with ended up crashing at the festival that night. The next day, before we left, he asked if I wanted to meet up in London before he had to get his coach back to Nottingham, and I agreed, so I went home and got ready before heading back out to London to meet him. We got along so well, just hanging around in London and wandering around aimlessly, and before he left he asked me out. Below is the first picture we ever took together, and to this day is one of my favourite pictures ever.

We used to talk every day, whether it was on MSN, texting on something like Facebook or emails, and we used to talk on the phone a lot too. After a while, he invited me to stay with him in Nottingham for a week or so, and I couldn't wait - I was staying with family just before, and they drove me to the station to meet him, and we went to his. I have so many memories of that time - he used to work night shifts, so I used to stay awake all night waiting for him to get back (he used to leave his iPod with me, and I had mine, so we used to alternate listening to one iPod and charging the other so we always had music playing) and when he got back he'd usually bring me breakfast and then we'd go to sleep for a while to make up for being awake all night. We used to walk to Asda and buy a load of stuff we probably didn't even need. He asked me to bleach and dye his hair for him while I was there, as he wanted a green fringe, so we got all the stuff we needed and on a whim, I decided to use the leftover bleach on my hair (I was sandy blonde at the time) and ended up with platinum blonde hair with bright pink bits, and he had black hair with a greeny blue fringe. We stole the kettle from his communal kitchen once for a few days, as we used to drink a lot of tea and coffee in his room (which was massive) and we used to go down when no one else was around and cook - one time, we got some bacon,  but it looked really gross when we were cooking it. We also used to go to the McDonald's near him a lot and get free hot chocolate - he worked there - and use their wifi on our iPods for a while, before going for walks near the river.
While I was in Nottingham, I also met some of his family for the first time, which was nice even though I was terrified - I was so nervous that I was going to make a bad impression, but I don't think I did, luckily! Below are some of my favourite pictures from this time.


After we'd been together for a while, we kept joking around about getting engaged - eventually, the joking became reality, and when we were in Brighton one day, he proposed - of course I said yes! He gave me a temporary ring at first, as he wanted us to choose one together, and I'm glad we did because I loved the ring we chose - in fact, I still have it somewhere now. The only pictures I can find of my ring are of both of us, but also from when he had an eye infection, so the one below is pretty much the only one I can find where it's just me showing it.
So, all in all, we were really happy throughout the relationship - of course, we had our arguments and ups and downs, like in all relationships, but we made sure to never go to bed on an argument, for which I will always be thankful. We were together for nearly three years overall, which I never thought I could do, and I will always cherish the memories I have of and with him. I was really happy when I was with him, even when we were just at a gig together, or hanging out at one of our houses, and he always managed to cheer me up when I was feeling down.
I'm trying not to think about the things I regret too much - I feel a bit like I'm drowning when the sad thoughts and regrets take over my mind - and instead I'm concentrating on the good, which is why I wanted to write this post - I wanted to make a post where I could write down some of the amazing memories, so I can look back on it and remember everything <3
Of course, this post is only a small portion of the good memories - the rest will forever live on in my mind and my heart. All our little private jokes, all the cute things we used to do for each other, the cute texts and emails we used to send, the secret pictures we used to take when the other one wasn't looking and just everything - I'll never forget you.

Rest in peace, Dan - I hope you know that I never hated you, ever, and that a part of me will always love you. I hope you're finally at peace and not in pain now. 

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