Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year's Resolutions // 2015

Hey guys!
So, it's about that time of year that I usually start to think about making my New Year's resolutions - which is probably leaving it a bit late, as it's tomorrow, but better late than never right? Every year I make them, and every year I end up failing  – sometimes I’ll stick to them for a while, but sometimes I’ll fail within the first couple of days, haha. I’m not one of those people who says things like “NEW YEAR NEW ME” (if you're one of those people, sorry but it irritates me a lot, haha) but I think that this year, most of my resolutions will revolve around things that I know I need to change in my life (either for my health or my happiness) and hopefully that means I’ll be more likely to stick to them and not break them within days.

The first, and most important, of my resolutions is that I need to eat healthier. On the whole, I eat reasonably healthily, but I also have a sweet tooth, which isn’t good, and I also tend to eat a lot of carbs, which can bloat me out. Next year, I’d like to cut a lot of food out of my diet that doesn’t make me feel good, and replace it with healthier alternatives – for example, I’ll be replacing white rice and pasta with brown rice and pasta, and eating Greek yogurt and fruit instead of cake or sweets. I’ll also be cutting down on the amount of tea and squash that I drink, and will be replacing it with flavoured water and fruit/herbal teas.

This leads nicely into my next resolution – I need to get more sleep, and sort out my sleeping pattern. At the moment, I am a night owl – I prefer to get up later, then I usually end up staying awake until the small hours, either reading, playing games or watching videos. This means that I’m usually really tired during the day, and it means that I hardly ever seem to have very much motivation or energy as a result. This will probably mean turning my phone off at night (so I don't get distracted by Twitter and YouTube, oops) and putting my laptop and other gadgets in a drawer after a certain time, so I won't be tempted to go on them if I can't sleep.

Another thing I really want to do next year is visit some new places. I went for a few years without a passport, so now I have one again I’d love to go on holiday, and maybe do a few day trips to a few fairly nearby places like Paris and Amsterdam. I feel like I haven’t really travelled very much in my life – I’ve been to Spain, and to the South of France, but that’s been about it, and there’s so many places I’d love to experience! Don’t get me wrong, I love living so close to London and think it’s an amazing city, but I’d also love to experience a few more places in the world too. I already have a few very loose plans made for holidays, so hopefully the plans will soon be a reality and I'll be able to do some more travelling and see more places. 

Another thing I'd also love to be able to achieve this year is to try and build on my confidence/self esteem  – I know that I’m probably never going to be able to look at myself in the mirror and like what I see, but I’d like to actually not feel like I’m about to cry when I catch sight of myself. I’d also like to find a way to stop comparing myself to everyone else, as I know that everyone’s different and beautiful in their own way, but I just can’t see the good in myself (years of pretty much relentless bullying will do that to you) so I’m determined to find a way to try and actually like myself a little better, for pretty much the first time ever. This is the one resolution that I'm pretty much already expecting to fail, no matter what, but I'm determined to at least give it a pretty good go!

I think that one way that I can feel better about myself is to add to my tattoo collection – at the moment, I have three, and I love them all to pieces, but I’d love to get a few more as well. I’ve been planning out what tattoos I want since I was fairly young, but I’ve not been able to get some of the ones I want the most, so hopefully next year I’ll be able to get at least one! The ones I have at the moment are small enough to hide, and in places that are easy enough to hide them, and the ones I have planned will (on the whole) be the same, so hopefully this year, my tattoo dreams will finally become a reality! There's one I've been planning since I was about 14, so it'd be lovely if I could finally manage to get it done!

Another thing I can do to make myself happy is to see my friends more – unfortunately for me, most of my favourite people live reasonably far away from me, and a lot of the time our schedules conflict too, so I don’t get to see a lot of my friends as often as I’d like to. In the new year, I’d like to hopefully see my friends at least once every few months, as we talk a lot but it’s definitely not the same as meeting up and having a good old catch up over coffee and window shopping! There's a few people I've not seen in literally years that I'd like to see, and I'd love to get back into contact with some of the people that I've lost touch with over the years, so hopefully 2015 will be that year - I already have a few vague plans to see some people, so that's a good start, don't you agree?

Finally, I’d like to get back into the swing of blogging! I’ve kind of been neglecting this blog recently - as you've probably noticed -  so I really need to be more organised with it all really. I’ve got a massive organiser calendar thing put to one side, and I’ll be investing in a notebook and pen to carry around with me and jot down blog ideas, as half the time I forget to do that, or I scribble them down on a scrap of paper and promptly lose it again straight away! I'd also love to continue blogging for Birds On The Blog for as long as I'm wanted, as I've been doing it for over a year now (wow, it doesn't feel like that long)

So, there we have it – my resolutions for the New Year! Whether or not I stick to them is a whole different matter, haha, but I’m hoping that if I have them written down, I’ll be able to remember them better, which will hopefully mean sticking to them better!

If you set yourself resolutions too, I wish you the best of luck with them too!

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Reading Habits Tag!

Hey guys!
As you may or may not already know, I'm a massive bookworm, so when I stumbled across this tag I knew I had to do it!
I'm lucky enough that I was always encouraged to read a lot from a young age, and - this is either a blessing or a curse, I'm not too sure - I am also a speed reader, so I get through books pretty quickly. I love the way you can read a book, and if it's written well, you can lose yourself in it completely and immerse yourself in the story in your mind.
So, without further ado, here is the tag - feel free to do it yourself too if you enjoyed it!

I usually either read while I'm curled up on the sofa with a cup of tea, or when I'm in bed propped up with loads of cushions and pillows. I really want a window seat though, I think it'd be lovely to sit there with a lovely view and sunlight spilling into the room while you immerse yourself in a book.

In an ideal world, I'd have a bookmark, but I used to lose all of mine so now I usually use whatever I can find that's near me when I decide to stop reading.

I don't like just stopping in the middle of a page, even if it's at the end of a paragraph or something, because I usually end up forgetting where I was up to and either accidentally skipping a paragraph, or re-reading the same bit. I like to get to the end of a chapter because then it's just easier to start from a new chapter, plus I get impatient and like knowing how the chapter I'm reading is going to end.

I don't generally eat while I'm reading, but I like drinking tea when I'm reading, even though half the time I get really immersed in my book and forget about the tea, then go to drink it and it's stone cold, ugh.

Watching TV, no way, how can people try and watch TV while they're reading?! I like to lose myself in the story of a book, so no way would I be able to concentrate if I was getting distracted by that! Music is okay, I usually listen to instrumental music rather than something with lyrics if I'm reading though - I like game music, it's relaxing and I usually just have it on quietly as background noise because I don't really like complete silence.

I've tried to read several books at once before, and I don't really like doing that because it means I can't savour the stories properly, and I've got stuff jumbled up before in my mind before. So, I usually like to stick to just the one book at a time.


Generally, I read silently in my head, unless I find something that I feel like I should tell someone, in which case I'll quote that passage/sentence at them. I'd feel weird reading out loud to myself...

No! I like reading the book in the order it was written, the only time I ever "skip" pages is if it's like the contents page or whatever. I wouldn't want to skip pages in a book, you'd end up missing parts of the story and it seems pointless.

Definitely keeping it like new, oh my God. I hate it when you have a book in pristine condition and you lend it to someone and they crack the spine, it makes me want to hit them! My mum borrowed my copy of The Fault In Our Stars and she cracked the spine and I nearly cried when she gave it back to me. I have a lot of second hand books as well, and even though the spines are cracked on a lot of them, I still try not to crack it more if I can help it.

No! Obviously I used to write in them when I was at school, mainly my name in the textbooks like you were meant to, and in English when we were studying plays and stuff, when we had to write notes in the margin and underline stuff. It's fine for books that you have to write in - for example, Wreck This Journal and The Pointless Book - but in other books, no way.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Toxic Trash And Fabulous Friendships

Hey guys!
Sorry if this post ended up being kind of rambly, I was inspired to write it at around 6am, so it's quite long and chatty, but I hope you enjoy it and I make sense anyway! 

So, people are strange. I know that this is probably a weird thing to write a blog post about, and I don't even know if anyone apart from myself is ever going to read it, but think about it - you find someone and you're like, I like you, we click, let's hang out and be friends. 
There's also some people who we think we like, and we think we can trust, but over time you find out things about them that you don't like, or you drift apart from them, and you're like, why did I even ever want to hang out with you in the first place? Sadly, you have to mix the toxic people with the amazing people for a while, but once the toxic people leave, you will hopefully be left with absolute diamonds in your life!

There's this one guy I used to hang out with - he was friends with my ex-boyfriend, and they lived together, so when I used to see my ex, he was around a lot too. We got kind of close at one point, and then he moved away and we lost contact for ages. Eventually, he got back in contact with me on Facebook, and we got talking again. We used to like each other at one point, and he kept saying he missed me and wanted to be with me, but he also kept harping on about the distance and how he didn't want to have a long distance relationship. I live just outside of London and he lives in Hampshire, it was hardly the distance of the century! So anyway, we got back in contact, and we went through phases of talking and then not talking for ages, and him saying that he still liked me and all of this. Then, out of the blue, he gets into a relationship, and not long after this, he deleted me off Facebook. Let's get one thing straight, guy who will remain anonymous for this blog post - you don't comment stuff on my pictures saying how pretty I look when I'm a brunette, and tell me that you want to be with me and then not make any effort whatsoever to meet up, not talk to me for ages, and pretty much delete me from your life. That isn't how life works.

Another example of a toxic person I used to have in my life is my ex-boyfriend. I refrained from writing about him when we broke up (correction, I broke up with him) as I wanted to kind of forget about it all, but over time I've realised that a, he's actually a pretty horrible person and b, he wasted no time bitching about me online and being a turd when he got in contact with me, so I felt like I could write about him if I needed to, e.g. right now! So there we go! (That's my disclaimer and I'm sticking to it!)
Basically, now I look back on it all, I'm amazed that I actually lasted over two years in that relationship, and that I didn't walk away sooner than I did. To put it bluntly, and without going into too much detail, he pretty much lied about most things (if not everything) even if it was something minor - example, I preordered a CD once and he was going to pick it up for me, I asked him if he'd got it and he said yeah - turns out, it wasn't even out for another week! Seriously, pointless thing to lie about, why bother? He also always used to lie about whether or not he'd left mine to go and meet his friends or not, and I assume he did the same whenever he was "running late" to meet me, aka he couldn't be bothered to meet me so he used to lie and make up excuses about why he was late/wasn't coming.
Another thing - the most important thing - is that he was cheating on me. I don't know how long for, and I don't know how many people with, but the warning signs were there for a long time and I didn't pick up on it soon enough, and I still kick myself for that. There was this one girl we'd met at a concert, who actually had a boyfriend at the time. Me and my ex were having problems, so we were planning on going on a break BUT NOT DOING ANYTHING WITH ANYONE ELSE, JUST HAVING SOME SPACE for a few weeks to think about things. Next thing you know, she's liking his relationship status changing to single, and writing indirect statuses about me calling me a "dopey whore", I do believe were the exact words, and then she proceeded to delete her vile comments - but not before I screen shotted them. He claims that, despite her comments about them going to meet up and stuff, he didn't see her in that way, and idiot that I was back then, I believed him. It isn't until later, when I found proof on his laptop (HIS laptop which he gave ME on my birthday because he "forgot" to get me a present, ladies and gentlemen) in the form of pictures and screenshots, that I knew my gut feeling was correct all along. Yep. If you have a gut feeling, it will be correct. Gut feelings never fail, guys. So yeah. That was a massive factor of me finally putting my foot down and having the strength to leave him once and for all, despite him pretty much begging for another chance.
Also - he eventually tried to get back in contact with me, only to ask me if I had any jewellery making supplies left (side note, I used to make jewellery, and I might be starting again soon, yay!) and, here's the kicker, he wanted it for his new girlfriend, who coincidentally ALSO MAKES JEWELLERY! So, basically, I ignored that, blocked him right away, then marvelled at his barefaced cheek and showed my mum, who laughed and made me tea. 

On the flip side, there's some amazing people in my life, who are the least toxic people you could ever hope to meet, and who make me endlessly happy. I've been lucky enough to end up with some perfect people in my life who I wouldn't trade for anything, and who have stuck with me through the good and the bad, the smiles and the tears, the secrets and celebrity stalking! (not really stalking, you know what I mean!)

Pretty much the best person in my life at the moment, and one of the few people I couldn't imagine not being a part of my life now, is my best friend. We met at a band's video shoot around 4 years ago now (wow, I feel old!) when I was at college, and we kept in touch on Facebook and stuff and slowly, we realised how much we had in common and became best friends! She lives in Essex, and yet we still manage to see each other around once a month or so, as well as texting pretty much non-stop every evening/night (see, guy who is remaining anonymous, if me and my best friend can make the effort to see each other every month and talk every day, why can't you make the effort with me when I try and make plans with/text you? Makes no sense to me) She is literally the person I turn to for pretty much everything, whether I'm happy or sad, if I need advice or just want someone to send funny GIFs to or gossip about cute guys (luckily, we have opposite taste in guys - example, she likes Dan Howell, aka Danisnotonfire, and I like Phil Lester, aka Amazingphil, so we never argue over guys)

I also have a lot of other fabulous friends, who I mainly see at gigs and stuff but are some of the greatest people you can ever hope to meet and who I wish I got to see more than I actually do! There's also the adorable people I know online, who I'm yet to meet, who make me smile no matter how rubbish I might be feeling, and who send me cute pictures of cats and wolves or give me random compliments to cheer me up, for example. 

So, there you go. There's two kinds of people - the amazing people, who make life worth living, and the toxic people, who bring you down and generally turn the atmosphere and your mood sour - there's also many many sub-categories of both of these kinds of people, but I won't go into that now. Obviously, it's good to cut out the bad people as soon as possible (and maybe have the occasional rant about them as I ended up doing, oops) and surround yourself with the good people, but sometimes it's not that easy - sometimes, the toxic people are disguised as good people, and vice versa. 

Time will reveal all, and hopefully you'll manage to rid yourself of the toxic people before they kill the spark in you that makes you unique and amazing, and you'll be left with the people who make you shine and bring out the best of you!

Friday, December 19, 2014

The Soundtrack To My Life Tag!

Hey guys!
I was browsing YouTube the other day, and I stumbled across this tag I'm doing today, which was created by  
Zoe London and Lily Melrose. I love music tags, but I can never seem to find any that I enjoy that much. These questions really made me put a lot of thought into my answers, and I hope you enjoy it too - if you do, I tag you to do it too! All credit goes to Zoe and Lily for creating the tag, and I'll leave links to their videos/twitter down below - also, click their full names in this paragraph to visit their blogs!

Song you listen to when you're happy?
There are so many songs I love to listen to when I'm happy, but the main one at the moment is probably Rather Be by Clean Bandit ft Jess Glynne, as it reminds me of good times with my best friend

Song you listen to when you're sad?
I usually start off wallowing in my own sadness for a while, aha, so if I feel sad I usually listen to Fireworks by You Me At Six or So Far Away by Avenged Sevenfold (that song and video gets me every time, haha) but if I want to cheer myself up I'll usually listen to Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind) by Panic! At The Disco.

What song will you have at your wedding?
I would love to have On The Arrow by AFI as the first dance at my wedding, but seeing as so many people I know don't even know who AFI are, I'll probably have to settle for something else. If I can't have AFI I'd quite like to have Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran.

What song do you dance around the house to?
The main song that makes me dance around the house is probably Too Shy To Scream by AFI, I love that song so much! Two runners up are Adalia by Madina Lake, and Shake It Off by Taylor Swift.

Song you play on your headphones when out and about?
I usually listen to a playlist on shuffle when I'm out and about, but if I had to choose one song in particular, I'd probably choose Silver and Cold by AFI, as it's my all time favourite song and I'd be lost without that song in my life. Either that, or Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day.

Song you listen to when you're angry?
This is a really hard one, as I used to feel angry a lot, especially when I was being bullied, but the main song that I used to listen to - and which actually made me feel a lot better - is Strength Through Wounding by AFI. The lyric "Through Our Bleeding, We Are One" made me feel a lot less alone (and it's shouted too, which helped with the anger) and it definitely got me through an awful lot in my life.

Song you'd have at your funeral?
This was a really hard one to think about, actually - I had to think about it a lot, but in the end I decided that I'd like to have either Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, or Warmness On The Soul by Avenged Sevenfold - or both!

Song that makes you lose your shit at a party?
I don't really go to many parties, but when I did, pretty much every time someone would play Sorry You're Not A Winner by Enter Shikari and every single person would clap.

The last song you listened to?
As I'm writing this, I have my Spotify on shuffle, and the song that's currently on is Jude Law And A Semester Abroad by Brand New.

Your karaoke song?
Hmm, I don't really do karaoke, but the one time I can remember doing it, me and three of my friends decided to sing Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, and at the end of it my best friend''s stepdad told me that I had a lovely voice, which was sweet.

What song do you work out/exercise to?
Well, I'm excessively lazy, haha, but if I had to choose something to exercise to, I'd choose something catchy and upbeat. Off the top of my head, I'm gonna go with Too Shy To Scream by AFI (yes, I've already mentioned that but I think it'd be good to exercise to) and My My My by Tides (a lovely band I know who are amazing)

Song with the most memories attached?
Hmm, as mentioned before, Strength Through Wounding by AFI has a lot of memories attached. The main song would be Fires by The Chase - a band I used to see far too much, before they split up, but they were a little known band so not a lot of people reading this will probably know who they are.

Song that makes you cry?
Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley. Not going into details, but it makes me cry. Also, if I'm seeing them live, for some reason Silver and Cold by AFI has made me cry every single time.

Song you hate the most?
I really really really don't like Ariana Grande (sorry guys) so anything by her. I also think Bang Bang is overplayed. Unpopular opinion, I also don't like One Direction or Justin Bieber.

Your favourite song of all time?
This was easy - Silver and Cold by AFI. I can't remember a time that I didn't love that song.
Zoe - 
Lily -  

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Best Of 2014 // Songs I've Been Loving!

Hey guys!
Now that the year is drawing to a close, I thought that it would be a good time to reminisce about some of the things that have happened over the past year - events I've been to, some of the things I've done, and some of my favourite things about the past year as well, whether it's makeup I've loved, songs I've listened to endlessly, or anything in between!
This time, I'm going to choose some of the songs I've been loving the most this year - some of them are ones I heard at the end of last year, but most are from January onwards. I'll also include links to the videos below, in case you'd like to go and check them out too!

Rather Be - Clean Bandit ft Jess Glynne.
I've loved this song ever since I heard it on a radio show for the first time, and it reminds me of my best friend because we both love it, and we've spent so much time together this year that it kind of became like our unofficial anthem, as such. It never fails to put a smile on my face!

The Mother We Share - Chvrches
Again, I first heard this song on the radio, and I didn't like it the first couple of times but it really grew on me.I love the vocals, and the slight electronic twist.

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood
This song was played so much last winter, and again, I didn't like it at first but it slowly grew on me. I really like the chorus, and it's just a cute wintery song.

Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran.
Pretty much my favourite song off X, this song is just pretty much perfect, and one of the first songs I go to when I want to relax. 

Shake It Off - Taylor Swift
One of the best songs to energise you and make you want to get up and get things done! I've been listening to it a lot while I've been trying to sort out my room, and it really helps to put you in a good mindset!

Somebody To You - The Vamps
To be honest, I prefer the version without Demi Lovato, but this song is adorable and gives me hope that I'll find someone lovely one day who will feel like that about me.

Cold Night - You Me At Six
One of my all time favourite bands, and this is one of my favourite songs off Cavalier Youth - their newest album, which came out in January. The lyrics are adorable, and it's just an amazing song all round.

Dirty Dancing - Room 94
I'm lucky enough to have known these boys for years now, and I couldn't be happier and prouder of all they're achieving now. They have a new album out next year, and this is one of the songs off it - I love Kieran's voice, and how addictive and catchy it is! I've been humming it a lot this year, and I hope you all love it too!

Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind) - Panic! At The Disco
The ultimate catchy, feel good song, this has pretty much been on repeat constantly since the first time I heard it around the end of last year, and it never fails to pick me up when I'm feeling down. I can't imagine life without this song and the memories that are attached to it now.

Still Into You - Paramore 
I really like Paramore, and when I first heard this song I fell in love with it pretty much instantly. I get bored of songs about love a lot, but this one is so cute and full of sincerity, and the lyrics are so cute that I don't think I'll ever grow sick of it.

So, they're some of the songs that I've listened to most this year! What are some of your favourite songs from the past year?

Monday, December 01, 2014

The Christmas Tag!

 Hey guys!
It's nearly Christmas! I love this time of year so much, and all the tags I see online about it, so I decided that today I would do a Christmas tag that I saw a while back here! Enjoy!

1. What is your favourite Christmas movie/s?
I'm not a massive fan of Christmas movies on the whole, haha, but the two that I usually end up watching are ELF and Jingle All The Way!

2. Do you open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
Always on Christmas morning, I think it'd be really weird to open things on Christmas Eve! We usually open stockings first thing, then presents off my parents before we head off to see family and open the rest. The only thing we open on Christmas Eve is new pjs, that's always been a tradition for us!

3. Do you have a favourite Christmas memory?
I actually don't think I do! Most of my christmas days have been amazing, I don't think there's really one that I can particularly single out <3 I do have a least favourite one, though, and that was the year I had my tonsils out six days before Christmas, so I was feeling really out of it and couldn't eat. 

4. Favourite festive food?
Well, obviously turkey is amazing, but I also like white sauce and a little bit of Christmas pudding - I'm not a massive fan of it, but it's nice to have a bit and join in!

5. Favourite Christmas gift ?
Oh wow, I've had so many amazing christmas presents over the years that it's hard to choose just one, but one year I got an iPod Nano off my grandma, which was my first iPod so I was really excited and happy about that!

6. Favourite Christmas scent?
I love the smell of the christmas tree, and I also love burning christmas themed scented candles like Mulled Wine!

7. Do you have any Christmas Eve traditions?
Yes! My dad usually comes over so we can write our letters to Santa and burn them in the back garden, then we usually relax in front of the TV with a cheesy christmas film on and have dinner - sometimes someone will cook, like I did last year, and sometimes we'll order in a takeaway - then later on change into new pjs and head off to bed early!

8. What tops your tree?
When I was little, we used to alternate between a paper angel my brother made at school, and one that I made. Once those got too worn out and ruined, we started using a massive wire star instead.

9. As a kid what was the one (crazy, wild, extravagant) gift you always asked for but never received?
Like most little girls, I went thought a phase of really wanting either a pony or some other kind of pet, even though we had two cats growing up, and a tortoise, so probably that!

10. What's the best part about Christmas for you?
Getting to spend time with my family - every year, we go up to stay with my grandma and see my aunt and cousins, and that's been tradition for as long as I can remember. We usually eat too much, watch a film and generally just relax, and it's always lovely and I wouldn't change it for the world <3

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Bullying // My Experience

Hey guys!
This week is anti-bullying week, so I've decided that my blog this week will talk a little bit about my various experiences with bullying - even though talking about it really pushes me way out of my comfort zone, and obviously makes me upset, but it's something that needs to be spoken about - and a couple of ways I tried to cope with it - obviously, the things I did will not work for everyone, but hopefully it will help you if you or someone you know is being bullied, and if it helps even one person, it's more than worth it.
As I've mentioned before in blog posts, I got bullied a lot in my life, both at primary school and secondary school. Sure, I was lucky enough to still have a few people on my side both times, which was a massive lifeline for me, but sadly, when I was at secondary school, most of my friends didn't go to my school, so I only really got to see them at weekends, even though I could obviously text them and chat to them online during the week. I also had a lot of support from my parents and family, especially in secondary school, so I had a good positive support network around me, even though a lot of the time I felt really lost and alone, like I had no one to talk to. I also blamed myself a lot, which looking back, was probably a really stupid thing to do, but at the time I genuinely believed that a lot of it was my fault.
When I was a child, I had one person in my class who did most of the bullying, then a lot of people who just sided with that one person. I also had an amazing best friend who helped me though a lot of it, but sadly she moved away when I was about 7 or 8, leaving me to struggle through another 3 years. I kind of made friends with a few other people during that time, luckily, but I still felt really alone. However, one thing I will say is that, in both instances of being bullied, once I told a teacher about it, things got so much worse - neither school I attended seemed to have any idea whatsoever about how to deal with bullying (especially the secondary school I was at, that was a truly horrific experience) but I would still recommend that you tell someone, as in the long run it will help - I was at school a while ago now, haha, so I'm sure their methods of dealing with bullying will have changed since I was there. The method my primary school teacher came up with was to stand me in front of my whole class - as a shy child, you can imagine I was thrilled with this, haha - and explain to them all that I was being bullied, and how it was making me feel - thankfully, she didn't make me name the culprit, but I'm pretty sure everyone knew who I was talking about anyway. Luckily, after that it seemed to pretty much stop, and I managed to make a few friends, so primary school actually ended on a high for me instead of a low.
Secondary school was initially fun for me, and remained that way up until year nine, when I turned 14. When I first started secondary school, I was still really shy and quiet, but luckily I made a good group of friends in my first year who really helped me come out of my shell, both in and out of school. During this time, I got into a lot of bands who I still love to this day - mainly AFI and Green Day - and started going out most weekends, dying my hair and generally being really happy and confident. However, towards the end of year 9, some of my best friends and I ended up falling out, and after that, school was unbearable for me as, sadly, it was my school friends I fell out with - even more unluckily for me, we all shared a group of friends, so I saw them at weekends too - luckily, though, the friendship group was pretty divided, so we didn't see each other as much as we could have.
A lot of things were said throughout this time - a lot of it online, said anonymously on various websites that have come under fire in the past for promoting anonymous bullying (in my case, formspring) and some also said by me- and a lot of things were done - this time, mainly to me, and not always at school (one thing that sticks out the most is walking past the group on my way to meet my friends, and being slammed up against a building and threatened) - till it got to the point where I was having really bad panic attacks every morning, and refused to go into school - in fact, at one stage I was getting dressed in my uniform and pretending to go to school, then just getting a bus into town and hanging round the shops and internet cafes until it was time to go home again (I probably would have got away with this for a lot longer if my head of year hadn't called home asking why I was never in school...oops)
My parents got called in for meetings, and so did I. In one meeting, they put me in a room with the people who were bullying me and they thought that would help sort fact, it made it worse (which I always knew it would.) In another instance, they said they were referring me for counselling, which baffled me, and then when I arrived the counsellor proceeded to list off what was supposedly wrong with me, instead of asking me why I thought I was there, and then they wondered why I sat there angrily ignoring what they had to say for the rest of the session - maybe because I didn't appreciate being told it was my fault I was being bullied because I was "a loner who didn't try to fit in and make friends, and who has a history of self harm". (Just to clarify, none of the above was true. I had some other people at school who I hung out with instead, and I didn't self harm, so I have no idea where any of that "information" about me came from)
So, in the end, after a lot of meetings that went nowhere, panic attacks and a LOT of stress that could have been avoided, I ended up dropping out of school, only going back in to sit my GCSE exams.
So, some of the main points I want to make are -
1. Tell someone if you're being bullied. Not every school will be as useless as mine were, and when I told my parents, I thought they'd be annoyed at me, but luckily they were really understanding and supportive, and were there with me every step of the way. There are also a lot of organisations you can call if you'd prefer, such as Childline.
2. If you're being bullied online or via text, make sure you keep a record of what's happening - take a lot of screenshots, etc - and never respond. If you ignore it, hopefully they'll get bored if there's no retaliation, and will stop. If it gets really bad, however, go to someone you trust, or even the police, and take all your evidence with you. Also, try and avoid sites where you can ask things anonymously , or if you do join up to one, disable the option for people to ask things anonymously.
3. It didn't help me, personally, but counselling or speaking to someone may help you. For me, what worked best was writing down how I was feeling, and speaking to my parents about it. Bottling everything up inside is dangerous.
So, there you have it. If you, or anyone you know, are getting bullied, speak out now, before it gets worse. I know it's scary, and I know you may feel like a tattletale, but it's better to get it out in the open than to keep it bottled up inside, and feeling like it's all your fault.
I really hope this helps! Also, please feel free to message me if you feel like you'd like to talk to someone who's been through it all - I know what it's like to feel alone and like you have no one to turn to. (

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

The Sweater Weather Tag!

Hey guys! 
I'm sorry I've been neglecting this blog so much recently - in all honesty, I've had really bad writer's block recently, and haven't even been thinking of that many ideas for my blog over at Birds, let alone for this one! There's been a few things that happened recently that I'll porbbaly be blogging about soon, and maybe another tag or two, but for now, this is the Sweater Weather tag, as we're well and truly into autumn now and I love it!
Sorry again, but I hope you enjoy!

1. Favorite candle scent?
At the moment, I'm loving the Fireside Treats candle from Yankee Candle, and the Black Raspberry and Vanilla one from Flamingo Candles. I need more seasonal candles though, I'm running out!

2. Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?
Most of the time, I'd definitely go for tea, but at this time of year I really like hot chocolate, especially peppermint hot chocolate <3 I also really liked the salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks last year, it was so good (in small doses though, it's so sickly if you have larger than a small!)

3. What's the best fall memory you have?
I like everything about it, but the thing that really sticks out for me is the massive bonfire that my dad does at his every year, when we have dinner and fireworks, and bake potatoes/roast marshmallows in the ashes of the bonfire afterwards <3

4. Which makeup trend do you prefer: dark lips or winged eyeliner?
I personally hate having anything on my lips, so I'm going to go for winged eyeliner, although I do that all year round and not just in fall!

5. Best fragrance for fall?
I have to admit, I'm not the best person for having lots of different fragrances, but the thing I use the most around this time of year is the vanilla body spray from Boots - I know it's not perfume, but it smells so good and I love keeping a bottle in my bag so if I feel sad, I can just spritz myself with vanilla! (it's definitely one of my happy smells)

6. Favorite Thanksgiving food?
We don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in the UK, so I'm going to have to pass this one!

7. What is autumn weather like where you live?
Grey, cold and drizzly, mainly, but sometimes when it's crisp and dry it's really nice to go out for a walk.

8. Most worn sweater?
This year, it's probably the oversized navy one I bought at Matalan a while back - it's so snuggly and cozy! So I'd say either that, or my oversized cream one which I just knock around the house in.

9. Must-have nail polish this fall?
I recently got a really pretty shade in my Birchbox - A Grape Affair! by OPI - which is a really beautiful dark purple, and I'm really excited to try that out because I love OPI polishes, and I've wanted a nice deep purple for a while!

10. Football games or jumping in leaf piles?
I'm not sporty or athletic in the least, so I'm going to say jumping in leaf piles because it brings back a lot of cute childhood memories for me <3

11. Skinny jeans or leggings?
Always leggings. I don't think I've worn jeans in years...literally years...

12. Combat boots or Uggs?
Combat boots, definitely! I personally don't really like the look of Ugg boots that much.

13. Is pumpkin spice worth the hype?
I've never actually tried anything pumpkin spice - yet - so I can't really answer this, but it sounds like it might be pretty nice so we shall see!

14. Favorite fall TV show?
I don't really have one, to be honest! I watch TV shows year round and there's not really any that I associate with any time of the year.

15. What song really gets you into the fall spirit?
Umm, there's probably more, but off the top of my head either Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood (rather apt, considering the name of this tag!) or Fallen Leaves - Billy Talent