Monday, December 22, 2014

Toxic Trash And Fabulous Friendships

Hey guys!
Sorry if this post ended up being kind of rambly, I was inspired to write it at around 6am, so it's quite long and chatty, but I hope you enjoy it and I make sense anyway! 

So, people are strange. I know that this is probably a weird thing to write a blog post about, and I don't even know if anyone apart from myself is ever going to read it, but think about it - you find someone and you're like, I like you, we click, let's hang out and be friends. 
There's also some people who we think we like, and we think we can trust, but over time you find out things about them that you don't like, or you drift apart from them, and you're like, why did I even ever want to hang out with you in the first place? Sadly, you have to mix the toxic people with the amazing people for a while, but once the toxic people leave, you will hopefully be left with absolute diamonds in your life!

There's this one guy I used to hang out with - he was friends with my ex-boyfriend, and they lived together, so when I used to see my ex, he was around a lot too. We got kind of close at one point, and then he moved away and we lost contact for ages. Eventually, he got back in contact with me on Facebook, and we got talking again. We used to like each other at one point, and he kept saying he missed me and wanted to be with me, but he also kept harping on about the distance and how he didn't want to have a long distance relationship. I live just outside of London and he lives in Hampshire, it was hardly the distance of the century! So anyway, we got back in contact, and we went through phases of talking and then not talking for ages, and him saying that he still liked me and all of this. Then, out of the blue, he gets into a relationship, and not long after this, he deleted me off Facebook. Let's get one thing straight, guy who will remain anonymous for this blog post - you don't comment stuff on my pictures saying how pretty I look when I'm a brunette, and tell me that you want to be with me and then not make any effort whatsoever to meet up, not talk to me for ages, and pretty much delete me from your life. That isn't how life works.

Another example of a toxic person I used to have in my life is my ex-boyfriend. I refrained from writing about him when we broke up (correction, I broke up with him) as I wanted to kind of forget about it all, but over time I've realised that a, he's actually a pretty horrible person and b, he wasted no time bitching about me online and being a turd when he got in contact with me, so I felt like I could write about him if I needed to, e.g. right now! So there we go! (That's my disclaimer and I'm sticking to it!)
Basically, now I look back on it all, I'm amazed that I actually lasted over two years in that relationship, and that I didn't walk away sooner than I did. To put it bluntly, and without going into too much detail, he pretty much lied about most things (if not everything) even if it was something minor - example, I preordered a CD once and he was going to pick it up for me, I asked him if he'd got it and he said yeah - turns out, it wasn't even out for another week! Seriously, pointless thing to lie about, why bother? He also always used to lie about whether or not he'd left mine to go and meet his friends or not, and I assume he did the same whenever he was "running late" to meet me, aka he couldn't be bothered to meet me so he used to lie and make up excuses about why he was late/wasn't coming.
Another thing - the most important thing - is that he was cheating on me. I don't know how long for, and I don't know how many people with, but the warning signs were there for a long time and I didn't pick up on it soon enough, and I still kick myself for that. There was this one girl we'd met at a concert, who actually had a boyfriend at the time. Me and my ex were having problems, so we were planning on going on a break BUT NOT DOING ANYTHING WITH ANYONE ELSE, JUST HAVING SOME SPACE for a few weeks to think about things. Next thing you know, she's liking his relationship status changing to single, and writing indirect statuses about me calling me a "dopey whore", I do believe were the exact words, and then she proceeded to delete her vile comments - but not before I screen shotted them. He claims that, despite her comments about them going to meet up and stuff, he didn't see her in that way, and idiot that I was back then, I believed him. It isn't until later, when I found proof on his laptop (HIS laptop which he gave ME on my birthday because he "forgot" to get me a present, ladies and gentlemen) in the form of pictures and screenshots, that I knew my gut feeling was correct all along. Yep. If you have a gut feeling, it will be correct. Gut feelings never fail, guys. So yeah. That was a massive factor of me finally putting my foot down and having the strength to leave him once and for all, despite him pretty much begging for another chance.
Also - he eventually tried to get back in contact with me, only to ask me if I had any jewellery making supplies left (side note, I used to make jewellery, and I might be starting again soon, yay!) and, here's the kicker, he wanted it for his new girlfriend, who coincidentally ALSO MAKES JEWELLERY! So, basically, I ignored that, blocked him right away, then marvelled at his barefaced cheek and showed my mum, who laughed and made me tea. 

On the flip side, there's some amazing people in my life, who are the least toxic people you could ever hope to meet, and who make me endlessly happy. I've been lucky enough to end up with some perfect people in my life who I wouldn't trade for anything, and who have stuck with me through the good and the bad, the smiles and the tears, the secrets and celebrity stalking! (not really stalking, you know what I mean!)

Pretty much the best person in my life at the moment, and one of the few people I couldn't imagine not being a part of my life now, is my best friend. We met at a band's video shoot around 4 years ago now (wow, I feel old!) when I was at college, and we kept in touch on Facebook and stuff and slowly, we realised how much we had in common and became best friends! She lives in Essex, and yet we still manage to see each other around once a month or so, as well as texting pretty much non-stop every evening/night (see, guy who is remaining anonymous, if me and my best friend can make the effort to see each other every month and talk every day, why can't you make the effort with me when I try and make plans with/text you? Makes no sense to me) She is literally the person I turn to for pretty much everything, whether I'm happy or sad, if I need advice or just want someone to send funny GIFs to or gossip about cute guys (luckily, we have opposite taste in guys - example, she likes Dan Howell, aka Danisnotonfire, and I like Phil Lester, aka Amazingphil, so we never argue over guys)

I also have a lot of other fabulous friends, who I mainly see at gigs and stuff but are some of the greatest people you can ever hope to meet and who I wish I got to see more than I actually do! There's also the adorable people I know online, who I'm yet to meet, who make me smile no matter how rubbish I might be feeling, and who send me cute pictures of cats and wolves or give me random compliments to cheer me up, for example. 

So, there you go. There's two kinds of people - the amazing people, who make life worth living, and the toxic people, who bring you down and generally turn the atmosphere and your mood sour - there's also many many sub-categories of both of these kinds of people, but I won't go into that now. Obviously, it's good to cut out the bad people as soon as possible (and maybe have the occasional rant about them as I ended up doing, oops) and surround yourself with the good people, but sometimes it's not that easy - sometimes, the toxic people are disguised as good people, and vice versa. 

Time will reveal all, and hopefully you'll manage to rid yourself of the toxic people before they kill the spark in you that makes you unique and amazing, and you'll be left with the people who make you shine and bring out the best of you!

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