Hey guys!
This week is
anti-bullying week, so I've decided that my blog this week will talk a little
bit about my various experiences with bullying - even though talking about it
really pushes me way out of my comfort zone, and obviously makes me upset, but
it's something that needs to be spoken about - and a couple of ways I tried to
cope with it - obviously, the things I did will not work for everyone, but
hopefully it will help you if you or someone you know is being bullied, and if
it helps even one person, it's more than worth it.
As I've mentioned
before in blog posts, I got bullied a lot in my life, both at primary school
and secondary school. Sure, I was lucky enough to still have a few people on my
side both times, which was a massive lifeline for me, but sadly, when I was at
secondary school, most of my friends didn't go to my school, so I only really
got to see them at weekends, even though I could obviously text them and chat
to them online during the week. I also had a lot of support from my parents and
family, especially in secondary school, so I had a good positive support
network around me, even though a lot of the time I felt really lost and alone,
like I had no one to talk to. I also blamed myself a lot, which looking back,
was probably a really stupid thing to do, but at the time I genuinely believed
that a lot of it was my fault.
When I was a child,
I had one person in my class who did most of the bullying, then a lot of people
who just sided with that one person. I also had an amazing best friend who
helped me though a lot of it, but sadly she moved away when I was about 7 or 8,
leaving me to struggle through another 3 years. I kind of made friends with a
few other people during that time, luckily, but I still felt really alone.
However, one thing I will say is that, in both instances of being bullied, once
I told a teacher about it, things got so much worse - neither school I attended
seemed to have any idea whatsoever about how to deal with bullying (especially
the secondary school I was at, that was a truly horrific experience) but I
would still recommend that you tell someone, as in the long run it will help -
I was at school a while ago now, haha, so I'm sure their methods of dealing
with bullying will have changed since I was there. The method my primary school
teacher came up with was to stand me in front of my whole class - as a shy
child, you can imagine I was thrilled with this, haha - and explain to them all
that I was being bullied, and how it was making me feel - thankfully, she
didn't make me name the culprit, but I'm pretty sure everyone knew who I was
talking about anyway. Luckily, after that it seemed to pretty much stop, and I
managed to make a few friends, so primary school actually ended on a high for
me instead of a low.
Secondary school
was initially fun for me, and remained that way up until year nine, when I
turned 14. When I first started secondary school, I was still really shy and
quiet, but luckily I made a good group of friends in my first year who really
helped me come out of my shell, both in and out of school. During this time, I
got into a lot of bands who I still love to this day - mainly AFI and Green Day
- and started going out most weekends, dying my hair and generally being really
happy and confident. However, towards the end of year 9, some of my best
friends and I ended up falling out, and after that, school was unbearable for
me as, sadly, it was my school friends I fell out with - even more unluckily
for me, we all shared a group of friends, so I saw them at weekends too -
luckily, though, the friendship group was pretty divided, so we didn't see each
other as much as we could have.
A lot of things
were said throughout this time - a lot of it online, said anonymously on
various websites that have come under fire in the past for promoting anonymous
bullying (in my case, formspring) and some also said by me- and a lot of things
were done - this time, mainly to me, and not always at school (one thing that
sticks out the most is walking past the group on my way to meet my friends, and
being slammed up against a building and threatened) - till it got to the point
where I was having really bad panic attacks every morning, and refused to go
into school - in fact, at one stage I was getting dressed in my uniform and
pretending to go to school, then just getting a bus into town and hanging round
the shops and internet cafes until it was time to go home again (I probably
would have got away with this for a lot longer if my head of year hadn't called
home asking why I was never in school...oops)
My parents got
called in for meetings, and so did I. In one meeting, they put me in a room
with the people who were bullying me and they thought that would help sort
it...in fact, it made it worse (which I always knew it would.) In another
instance, they said they were referring me for counselling, which baffled me,
and then when I arrived the counsellor proceeded to list off what was
supposedly wrong with me, instead of asking me why I thought I was there, and
then they wondered why I sat there angrily ignoring what they had to say for
the rest of the session - maybe because I didn't appreciate being told it was
my fault I was being bullied because I was "a loner who didn't try to fit
in and make friends, and who has a history of self harm". (Just to
clarify, none of the above was true. I had some other people at school who I
hung out with instead, and I didn't self harm, so I have no idea where any of
that "information" about me came from)
So, in the end,
after a lot of meetings that went nowhere, panic attacks and a LOT of stress
that could have been avoided, I ended up dropping out of school, only going
back in to sit my GCSE exams.
So, some of the
main points I want to make are -
1. Tell someone if
you're being bullied. Not every school will be as useless as mine were, and
when I told my parents, I thought they'd be annoyed at me, but luckily they
were really understanding and supportive, and were there with me every step of
the way. There are also a lot of organisations you can call if you'd prefer,
such as Childline.
2. If you're being
bullied online or via text, make sure you keep a record of what's happening -
take a lot of screenshots, etc - and never respond. If you ignore it, hopefully
they'll get bored if there's no retaliation, and will stop. If it gets really
bad, however, go to someone you trust, or even the police, and take all your
evidence with you. Also, try and avoid sites where you can ask things
anonymously , or if you do join up to one, disable the option for people to ask
things anonymously.
3. It didn't help
me, personally, but counselling or speaking to someone may help you. For me,
what worked best was writing down how I was feeling, and speaking to my parents
about it. Bottling everything up inside is dangerous.
So, there you have
it. If you, or anyone you know, are getting bullied, speak out now, before it
gets worse. I know it's scary, and I know you may feel like a tattletale, but
it's better to get it out in the open than to keep it bottled up inside, and
feeling like it's all your fault.
I
really hope this helps! Also, please feel free to message me if you feel like
you'd like to talk to someone who's been through it all - I know what it's like
to feel alone and like you have no one to turn to. (sunsetsanddragonflies@gmail.com)
xo
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